It was not long before the sallow-faced youth known as Larry began to receive 'special attention' from the boss. He was the second youngest employee and the least experienced. He professed an interest in antiques, but had little knowledge..... and less common sense. The boss thought he was perfect. Maybe, depending on your view point, maybe he was perfect.
The boss introduced Larry to the 'cabinets'; a section of mis-matched display units some in wood, some metal, some tall, some short, some with keys, some without. Contained inside were all small items of interest that had been consigned over the last week. These items were allegedly collectible and, generally, of interest. The bidders on the cabinets auction were different to the ragged crew that sought bargains amongst the general junk; the pairs of skis, boxes of sundries, cheap furniture, metal storage units, money counting machines, broken photo copiers, golf clubs and garden ornaments.
Cabinets had to be set up, displayed, stickered, secured and auctioned meticulously. There were sometimes as many as two hundred and fifty lots, but usually there were less than one hundred and eighty. Larry was 'tutored' by the boss, often with interesting results. Even after Larry had been there months he would still get suckered into the boss' reality bubble like a fly being led into a web.
One week Larry's eye was caught by a wooden carving of Buddha's face. It was painted green with highlights done in shiny gold. Larry grabbed it and took it over to cabinets. "Hey, Fat Git, man.... look at this! This should be in cabinets!"
"What you got there?", replied the boss from a distance.
"Look! It's a Buddha with gold on it.... it's cool"
"Oh Yes.... Oh yes Larry.... that's gold leaf...." enthused the boss. I was approaching him at the time and, hearing the comment, looked from him to the carving...... and back again. He had a smirk on his face. The carving was obviously not finished in gold leaf. It was over half a metre tall and crudely fashioned. On closer inspection, like within ten feet, it was obvious that the gold paint had more in common with plastic than precious metal.
I smiled back at the boss, raising an eye-brow.
"What they doing out there?", screeched the Black Widow from the office, "Is Fat Git talking to Larry again?!"
I looked over, then turned back to the boss.
"What estimate have the staff put on it?", he continued with his routine.
"Er.... a hundred and twenty bucks..."
"Should be more like two fifty.... see what I have to work with!"
"Yeah, they don't know what they're doing, Fat Git."
"We need more people like you Larry. Why can't they get it?!!"
"They're dumb, I suppose."
Twenty minutes later I passed the window display and saw the Buddha face. On the inventory sticker 'estimate $120' had been changed to 'estimate $250'. Next to that, written in Larry's distinctive fountain pen scrawl, "Gold Leaf".
Earlier, in his first week on cabinets, Larry had begun to make a name, or series of names, for himself. The boss took him over to the cabinets with the big bunch of keys. He pointedly instructed wonder boy to keep everything locked up, at all times. "Never leave the keys out, some-one will steal them."
At the end of the day the boss went to Larry for a friendly chat, "How d'you go, mate?"
"I got a lot done."
"Finished?"
"No."
"Show me what you've done then." They walked over to cabinets and the boss began complimenting Larry on his display. "Nice work. How many cabinets did you do?"
"One - everything was such a mess. I had to sort it all out..... Who did it before?"
"Er hhrrm", responded the boss, probably remembering that he had been doing cabinets before Larry. "Have you lotted any Larry..... Larry, Larry! Where are the rings?!! The gold rings!!!"
"Ah, er.... they're there Fat Git."
"There's only two!"
"Uh, yeah."
"There should be five! Where are the other three!! Quick!!! Look!"
The pair of misfits searched frantically for twenty minutes but the rings were never seen again. Any other staff member would have been sacked for this negligence. Not Larry. Not Larry The Jeweller. The boss forgave him and then promoted him off the warehouse floor to the coveted role of being in charge of cabinets.
When I left that night, Larry and Fat Git were still hunched together over some displays. The short fat man with the round face and the tall lanky idiot without a clue..... a vision came into focus somewhere in the reptilian part of my brain - here, in the half light of the warehouse, we had our very own Laurel and Hardy.
Nobody was rolling around in these aisles.
